Sunday, May 25, 2014

Sober

A note from me before you read... I'm sharing this because it is what is going on in my life currently. I am not seeking your thoughts on sobriety and or my choices for substances I partake in. Please read this blog post if you wish, ignore as you wish! Either way, I'm not looking for a lecture or comentary on alcohol and or any other drug.

If you've followed along for any period of time you probably already know that "sober" is not often used to describe me. No, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm not a drug addict. I just don't think there is anything wrong with partaking in such pleasures when doing it "responsibly"*.

I drink. And I smoke weed. Frequently. However, there are times when sobriety is a neccesity. And for right now, I'm in one of those phases of life. For medical reasons I've had to give up weed for the past 2 weeks. At some point soon I'll have to give up alcohol for a while too. If things go as planned I'll be without those and any form of those for about a year while my body goes through some stuff. Yes, I'm fine. No, I don't plan on telling you what is going on ;)

Would I have chosen to give these things up? No.

Am I sorry I did? No, this is a greater good kind of situation.

Do I plan on going back to using them both when I am able to again? Without a doubt.

Does that make me an addict? No! Am I addicted because I "miss" them? No. I honestly don't believe that. I drink socially and responsibly and I use weed not to par-tay down, but more for it's medical benefits.

See, for me, a chronic overthinker and anxiety sufferer, weed helps like nothing else. Yes, I take daily medication perscribed by my doctor but really it only takes the constant roar of anxiety down a peg or two. Whereas weed helps turn the volume almost all the way down. I actually have a blog post about this which is stuck in forever-draft status as sharing would probably be too personal**. Here is an excerpt:
I am an over-thinker. A constant-wonderer. An over-analyzer, and I. Hate. It.
"Just stop!" You say? Not so simple. Oh how I wish it was. It may be the biggest pet peeve I have about myself. And if you know me, that says a lot.
Because of the constant over-thinking I'm almost never truly comfortable. Even with people I know and trust I think deeply into their words, actions, inactions etc. I wonder, I ponder and I replay it all over and over again in my head. Usually it just leads to more unanswered questions.
Pretty much I'm a big ole bag of crazy. But, I manage to deal. Now, being completly sober it is a little more complicated to deal. But, in the long run I'll manage. Like I said... it's a greater good situation and afterall it is only temporary.

So hang in there with me, kids... it's going to be a crazy ride...

The Wife

* I put "responsibly" in quotes because lets face it, is there a "responsible" way to partake in illegal drugs like pot? Not really, but - am I doing it when in charge of children? No. So I that's what I mean by "responsible"
**Yes, I realize that I am willing to share my body and my stories but consider my rambling about my crazy as "too personal"

3 comments:

  1. Will you guys be scaling back the swinging also? If not, I wonder how different it will probably be if you can't drink.

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    1. Good question! At this point we're still unsure if this protocol is working or not. So it's still in the air. In the meantime a sober Jane makes for an overthinking Jane so it will send my sexual confidence way down. The good news about us is just like smoking and drinking I think this will be something we experience on and off our whole lives. So even if we take a break now we'll be back ;)

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  2. Best of luck to you. <3 If you need an ear, you know where I'm at. :-D

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